So, If you saw my Facebook update yesterday, then you would have known that I was stuck at an outdoor (but covered) cafe here in Barcelona while they had an epic shit-of-a rainstorm. I was literally five minutes from home but considering I was wearing suede flats, I thought it may be a good idea to stay in shelter while the rain calmed down. I guess I just didn’t think I needed to own rubber boots anymore after I left London for Spain *Go figure*.
ANYWAY, I luckily had my oh-so awesome Mac-imitation, known as the Google Chromebook, so I could at least do some work while waiting for the rain to steady. Like many other Tweeters this week, my account got hacked and I had to change like 65 passwords, so although I wrote my blog for the day, yesterday, I figured I would write more since the only password I had was for this blog. Depressed by the weather (which is normally hot and sunny), my brain was lacking the creative skills to come up with something to write about. Which brings me back to the first sentence of this post. I went to Facebook and asked my friends if they had any ideas for what I should write about. The helpful peeps Andy and Melissa gave me two ideas: Coffee and potatoes. Totally random, but to be honest this blog so far has been totally random, so it’s suitable. If the title didn’t give it away, today I have decided to talk about… Coffee!
And what goes better with coffee? Cigarettes! I am definitely painting that picture of myself being a starving, eccentric artist who hangs out in coffee houses all day, pretending to write prolific things on their laptop. The word “Hipster” comes to mind. I wouldn’t describe myself as a hipster, but I think they’re cool, I guess.
I really don’t know anything about coffee. Well, maybe. Off the top of my head, this is what I (think I) know:
Coffee is a delightful hot beverage that provokes the image of either pretentious hipster/artist posers, classy French women or old men in vintage caps playing dominoes. I’m sort of kidding. I know I probably drink too much of it, as I am glued to a screen and reaching, unknowingly, for the grip of that porcelain mug (Omg, am I one of those pretentious posers??). I know that in North America, our coffee’s are way too big and in Europe, they are sometimes too small. In Canada, if your favorite coffee isn’t from Tim Hortons, then they will revoke your passport. Coffee generally gives you bad breath, and if you drink too much, your hands will shake.
The classic line you say to your mates, “Want to grab a coffee after work?” is always code for “Let’s have a beer/wine after work, and if we go home drunk as f*%k, let’s also grab a kebab”. Coffee is also a great excuse to get out of going somewhere or doing something – “I can’t. I drank too much coffee and have diarrhea”. Ok, I have never used that, but I am sure it’s a good bail line. Hmmm. I think mass chain coffee places, like Starbucks, seriously suck and I refuse to go there. Here in Barcelona, or EU in general, there are so many quaint cafe’s that are family-owned, unique and authentic, why would you ever want to go to Starbucks? Plus, they limit you to 45 minutes internet usage and their shitty coffee is overpriced (Wow, I sound like one of ‘them’).
Lastly, coffee utterly accents cigarette smoking (dahling) .
After some time now scanning my memory bank for knowledge on le cafe, I think this is all I can come up with. I really hope you weren’t expecting educational material here, if you were, I’m sorry. I guess the best way to describe this post is coffee from Brandie’s perspective, which hopefully some of you can also relate to. If you are actually interested in educating yourself about coffee, check out this infographic sent by Andy.
Alright, my mission here is done. I have to get back to ordering my 6th coffee while listening to a band you have never heard of, writing about things you would just never understand.